Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The reality of it all

Griffin has been home for a week now. He was three weeks old as of yesterday. I can't believe I have a three week old. Being pregnant feels like a million years ago, and yet I cannot believe he has already been alive for three weeks. Last week went really quickly and really slowly. And I want to share how I think it's been being a parent so far so that I'll remember these days and to help prepare those that hope to do this one day.

I know everyone says having a newborn is exhausting and hard work. I knew it would be, I am not surprised. But I am surprised that it's not the lack of sleep that is exhausting me, it's the emotional and mental strain that is exhausting me!

I wasn't prepared for how emotionally draining having a child is. People always talk about how much they immediately love their child and how they would do anything for them etc. And I did immediately love this little boy more than I thought possible. But last week I was more overwhelmed and intimidated by him than I thought possible too. I didn't expect that.

Babies cry. That's a fact. And it has never stressed me out to hear babies cry, because that is just how they communicate. But hearing your own baby cry is a whole different experience. You are the one that is supposed to fix whatever it is they are crying about. And figuring out why on earth they are crying is hard! Or
at least I thought it was hard!! I was so worried that I wouldn't know why he was crying or wouldn't be able to meet his needs.

I felt completely unequipped and incapable of taking good enough care of him. And it caught me really off guard. I felt like most people didn't feel like this when they cane home with their newborn. They just talk about wanting to hold them all day and love on then etc. Was I the only parent to wish we were past this stage and he could already talk so I knew what he needed?

That mixed with my weepiness that had me crying at the drop of a hat made for a pretty stressful and hopeless feeling week. Would I ever be able to do this well? Ugh!

But Praise the Lord, each day it's getting better. I feel a little more confident in figuring out what he needs everyday. I am not crying at nothing. And I am enjoying staring at my adorable son as he takes in everything around him in wonder. I will make it through this. I will not ruin my child. I will be an ok parent.

So, I dont know if everyone feels like this or not, but I just wanted to put it out there that week one kicked my butt. But week two is shaping up much nicer. Many more to go!

- Mrs.Pate via my iPhone


  1. thanks so much for your honesty! i love when people are real & don't sugar-coat things. praying that things continue to improve. he's gorgeous by the way :)

  2. I think most moms feel this way. Did you read that blog post I posted on your facebook? For me, just knowing that it was normal was the best thing for me! It gets better! I promise!

  3. First of all, I love the honesty. I had those same emotions and continue to have similar weeks even now. There are so many things that no one tells you, because they (we) forget. In a few years you'll reread this or see someone else post a similar blog and you'll think "Oh my, I forgot all about that."

    The truth is, I'm terrified of having another baby because I'm not sure I want back on that roller coaster...I'll keep praying for you!!

  4. I also want to reiterate that I too felt completely overwhelmed and under equipped to care for these little people. I believe I said the exact same thing....all any one ever talked about was how in love they were and how they held and stared at their baby all the took time for that, for me. I loved them, of course, but it felt different than other people described. I think that is because no one wants to say how hard it is (emotionally) out loud. Thanks for being real. You sound exactly how I felt!!