(I am always wanting to blog thoughts and feelings on different things, like I used to, but it's so hard to find the time to get them typed out. So here is to trying to find time! )
Leading up to Grady's birth, I wondered what it would be like to have two kids. As all people do, I couldn't fathom loving another child the way I love Griffin. But I know that every mom of two or more had told me that it's just a natural thing that your heart suddenly doubles and you somehow love both just as fiercely, so I wasn't too worried. And in some regards I would say yes, this is totally true. I now have a love for both boys that is unexplainably deep and equal.
However, so many had said as soon as number two was born they could not imagine their families without them. That suddenly their family felt perfect....
Gotta be honest... the transition to two children was just not this way for me.
I struggled. For starters, I had a spinal headache the first week. So I was too miserable to really deal with people in general, much less a three year old. Once that passed, I just had a hard time feeling like everything was so much harder and life was so easy with just one. Why did we do this, I asked myself. Life was different, and my immediate response during the sleep deprived and hormonal first weeks was to long for life as I had known it. I tricked myself in to thinking that life was sooo easy before Grady. News flash, it wasn't.
But life with Grady was different. And I am resistant to change. So my natural instinct is to long for the way things used to be. I did this when griffin was born too. I remember longing for the days when we could go anywhere we wanted whenever, when I could sleep all night and sleep in, when I had the energy to stay up and watch movies with my hubby. And then eventually I got the hang of our new normal, and quit longing for the old days. I gained confidence in the new and let myself enjoy it.
So when Grady was born and I had these same thoughts, I just told myself it would pass and I would get the hang of it. And you know what? I did. We did. And now I find myself hugging him tightly and thanking God for adding him to our family. I find myself being unable to imagine life without him. It just took some time to get there.
So if you are a new momma to two, and you are feeling guilty for not feeling the immediate bond like so many share about, just give yourself grace and time. We are all different, and we need to quit comparing and let ourselves do our own thing. You will get there. "He who has promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:23)" and He knows His plans for you.
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