I made it through week one of working part-time. I have one more week of part-time and then I am back to the full-time daily grind. So far I have been a hot mess! I cried everyday except Friday. In fact, I was so upset over all of it that my dad was worried I was dealing with PPD.
BUT I am doing much better I think. I have been thinking about it all a lot, and praying a bunch. And I am starting to feel ok with it all. Here are the things I have been struggling with:
- One of the biggest things I think I was struggling with was the fear that Griffin would like the babysitter better than me, or that we would not have as close of a bond as stay at home moms have with their kids. I just felt like I wouldn't know him best. And I want to know him better than anyone... But the thing is I am his momma. Only me. And he and I were literally inseparable for almost ten months. He likes me so much he wanted to stay in for two extra weeks! I just have to know and trust that the Lord made me Griffin's mom and Griffin will always know that. Apparently this is a normal fear?
- Many of my friends stay at home with their kids. I think I have really been struggling with feeling like I must not care as much for Griffin if I was not willing to quit my job to be home with him. So often people say that anyone can stay home if they are willing to sacrifice. But for us the only way I can stay home is for Mr.Pate to completely change jobs. 1. Getting a job that doubles your salary is not something you can do with a snap of the fingers. 2. We love our church and feel very called there. I need to quit comparing.
- I have also struggled with feeling like it is more godly for the woman to stay home, so I have felt mad that I can't stay home. But this is just dumb. Working isn't wrong and neither is staying home. The Lord directs our paths, and everyones journey is different. One is not more spiritual than the other. Now I do believe my main role from the Lord is to be a wife and mom, and those roles should be my top priorities. But for our journey right now, we need me to work to be a good wife and mother.
- I have just struggled with wanting to stay home but not being able to and feeling like it's not fair. Woe is me- I have a great job that is not hard or burdensome and is with great people. Some people cannot afford to feed their families, poor me for having to work. Basically I have been almost pouting because I can't have what I want. There are people who can't even have children, and they would be thrilled to have a few hours in the morning and at night with their own child.
It's all in our perspective. I would love to stay home, but since that is not feasible right now I need to choose to joy anyhow. Talking to my friend about this, she said "don't we have to choose to be happy sometimes?" And it's true. My husband deserves a wife that is rejoicing in this fun new season of our family, not one who is whining. The Lord knows the desire of my heart and will always lead me where I need to go. For now I am clinging to Paul's words in Phil 4:11-13
11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.
12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.
13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Please continue praying that I will have a content heart in all aspects of my
- Mrs.Pate via my iPhone