Saturday, July 3, 2010

the great divide

I am 27. I am married. I own a home (well I pay the state of KY who really owns it, but in a manner of speaking I own it). I have a dog. I have a cat. I am pretty healthy. I have a great job with good benefits.  What do all these facts show you? That the next step in life for me is to have children. 

Thats the way it typically works here in the good ol US of A. We plan our lives out. We have certain stages people are supposed to go through. (Please note, I realize this is not everyone, by this is a social norm in our society as a whole) Once you are married, have a house and are steady in your job then it is time for you to have children. Thats how it works.

Some people even judge those that have children out of order. "You are having a kid 6 months into marriage? That is going to ruin your marriage, dont you know that?" or "They should have waited till they were more financially stable before they started having children." We love to play judge in this society. And so when people have children too early, we treat the act as wrong. We act as if children are a horrid thing. 

What about the couples that wait a long while to have kids? We treat them like they are selfish. "Life really shouldnt be all about you" or "They are chasing after their career and missing out on what matters." Again, that may be totally true of some people, but on average our society judges them before they even know their situation just because they have not followed the appropriate timeline. 

Having children is a topic that surrounds me today. Thats the stage of life I am in. Majority of the people my age have married (or found the person they are sticking with), settled into jobs, and bought homes. We are all supposed to be on step 4- kids. As I have mentioned before, I know a million people having babies or who have newborn babies. Every time I turn around there is another one, seriously. 

There is a great divide. You are either on the "i have kids side- or I am trying real hard at least" or the "no kids side". 

And I am not annoyed by this, I love children. Right now I have two beautiful girls sleeping soundly in the next room (My nieces are staying for the weekend), they are a joy. I enjoy hearing all about pregnancy, in fact I have a strange little obsession with preggo ladies. They are the cutest! My husband is basically a "child whisper", they flock to him. We are pro kiddos in the Pate house. 

But we dont have any kiddos in the Pate house. 

We are not against having kids, but also are not counting days and trying every "trick" out there to help the process. We are a happily married couple doing things that happily married couples do smiley-wink.gif! So when the pressuring question "When are you guys going to have kids?" comes at me, I sound completely awkward trying to answer it... if you have asked me this question then you can attest to this. 

The truth is that this whole "kids" thing has been quite the mental, emotional, and spiritual journey for me. One that will take longer than you probably want to read in this here post, so to be continued... 

1 comment:

  1. sounds like we are thinking about the same things lately! hugs to you in this weirdo stage. sometimes i feel lonely and outcast for waiting. thanks for your perspective and i look forward to reading more!