I left off the last post saying that I find the question "when are you going to have kids?" odd. Why?
- Its the only time when people are socially allowed to ask about your sex life without it being considered awkward or crude. (For the record, I dont really mind talking about sex, I think its a great and natural thing. But typically its not ok to talk about sex openly in casual convo)
- I think it is the oddest thing ever the way we "plan" our families. We even have centers with the title "family planning". We decide when we will have children, how many we will have, if we will keep them once they are conceived, etc. I am not trying to judge people that have in mind how many children they want, because really thats a learned behavior from our society at large (the sociologist in me is bursting out! haha). Thats not an evil thing. But it strikes me as odd. I have had this type of thinking before too- but it is funny to me that I would not plan what job I would have without the Lord's guidance but I did come up with a random number of how many children I thought was ok for my family. It is just a strange custom we have created here.
- The Lord and I have been talking alot about how much I trust Him. I think this is one area where I have failed miserably to trust Him in some ways, and I am totally lost on how to show I trust Him in other ways. Is it not leaving it "in the Lord's hands" if you count days for fertility? The Lord did set this whole creating-a-human-thing up on a system- there is a cycle and certain times that the body can conceive etc. So is it trusting Him to try and count and be intentional with the days etc, or is that trying to manipulate and bring about your own desire? I remember being in college and having to learn that I needed to let God direct my love life- not manipulate situations and try to "put myself out there" so to speak. That was hard for me- I had been manipulating situations since I was in Kindergarten. So where does that principle fit in with the having a kid process??
- I realize that some or many of you may be reading this and thinking "just let it happen and quit over thinking this thing girl, people have babies everyday." But this new phase of life where I actually think of having kids is a strange thing, and it makes me realize more than ever that I really was trusting my own plan in the past. Over the last 4 & 1/2 years, I never wondered if I was pregnant (maybe there was a month or two where the question arose for a day or so). That shows me that I really wasnt believing what I was saying ("whatever the Lord wants for my family"). Now that we quit all forms of "preventing" I realize that we really are open to whatever the Lord has for us- and that is freakin scary!
- Note: I am really not at all saying that if you are preventing in any way that you are not open to what the Lord has planned for you. This is not a legalistic thing and it is not a command straight from the Word. I am sharing the journey of my heart on this issue- please do not feel judged for whatever your situation is bc I am in no place whatsoever to judge in any department and I am just not about making others feel bad for something. The Lord knows that we Christians through out judgement way to much on kid issues: staying at home or working, breast feeding or formula, cloth or disposable, crying it out or soothing, blah blah blah. Just seek the Lord and do your freakin best, forget our stupid standards. Ok sorry for the soapbox, but the last thing I want is for someone to read this and walk away feeling judged or condemned. ; )
- So the main reason I find the question "When are you going to have kids?" so odd is because I have no clue how to answer! There are so many issues and thoughts going on inside my head about this subject, and I think that shows through when I try to answer the simple question. But I suppose I am odd in all kinds of ways, so maybe people are used to it?? Haha!
Ok, so now that I have gone on and on about the having kids topic (did you get bored- do you hate me know?) its your turn to talk to me:
Have any of you had these thoughts?
What is your stance on this stuff?
Any wisdom or advice to share from those who have been here before??