*complete sidenote: I am walking back to my office right now, and man it's a gorgeous day!!
I just delivered some things to the top of the hill, and one of the ladies I work with is recently back from maternity leave. I asked her how she was and she said "hanging in there I guess@. I knew the look well... It's the "I love my baby more than anything but I am exhausted and feel pretty clueless" look. Her baby is 2 months old.
Those first three months are by far the hardest. Hormones raging all over the place, learning a whole new reality and routine that will actually change several times over the next year, figuring out how to still be you and be mommy, and feeling inadequate to be the one deciding what's best for this tiny human. Oh and a MAJOR lack of sleep.
There really is no way to prepare or train for this. I can't give you an outline of how to do this right. After 8 months I think the key is grace. Continually pray for the Lord to give you grace for yourself, your child and your spouse. Let yourself stumble and be unsure. I think the hardest part is being hard on ourselves for it being so hard.
Admitting motherhood is hard does not equal you not loving your baby. It doesn't mean you don't like being a mom. It is just acknowledging that you can't handle this perfectly. You need help.
Sounds like the Lord may have designed it this way so we have a perfect picture of the gospel?! We cannot do life on our own perfectly. We needed help. Only Jesus can do this perfectly, and Praise the Lord He was willing to for us!
Accept his grace in salvation today, and in motherhood. You need them both :-)