Something has shifted in my life the past few years. If you were to look in my blog archives, you will see when I first began all the way until 2011 there were hundreds of posts a year. In 2011 Griffin was born, and in 2012 he became a mobile tiny human. From there the posts began to dwindle... and with it maybe a bit of "me". Over the last two years there has been a dramatic drop in posts, and the posts I do have are simply photo journals of life events we have happening so I do not lose those memories in the depths of google photos. Haha!
I think its totally normal for young moms to lose pieces of themselves for a bit, or to change as their lives and priorities shift. I do not think this is a bad thing. I think what has been hard for me is that I used my blog as a great way to "think out loud". It was a mixture of a family journal (because I am awful at keeping a real journal, and I cannot keep up with making scrapbooks or photobooks to save my life) and a mental venting ground for me. I could process through what I was thinking or how I was growing. And it created room in my brain to just be present.
Once I had two energetic boys, a church plant, a husband with two or three jobs, a full time job of my own, and family and friends to keep track of there just did not seem to be time to actually stop and type out my thoughts. I found myself beginning posts in my head about how I feel about something or why I think we need to work on something... but those posts never made it to the screen.
They always say time flies, and since having kids I preach the truth of this saying frequently. But not only does time fly,
there just never seems to be enough of it! I want to create breathing room in my mind and soul. I want to be present. I want to savor the moments because I know they will be gone all to quickly.
But how do we do this? I also want to be a great wife. I want to meet my husbands needs, and be a helpmate to him. I want to love my children. I want to create a wonderful environment for them to grow and learn and develop. Part of these tasks is having a home that is clean and organized so they can find their things or have food to eat or have clean clothes to wear. These tasks also seem to fill my mind with things to wonder, research or do. Did I pay that bill? Did I make that appointment? How do I help him learn these spelling words the best? What can we do to help him potty train? What kind of dinners will the kids like that can also be healthy? When should they get the flu shot? How can we do a better job discipling our children? Should we focus more on memorizing scripture or teaching them the catechism etc etc etc? How can we best reach out to our neighbors? The thoughts go on and on and on and on and on... its exhausting.
I sent this verse (which is one of my all time favorites) to someone the other day, because they were overwhelmed and anxious...
And yet as I sit and have these thought this morning, I am struck that I have allowed myself to go years without truly following it... when I keep my mind stayed on Jesus, that's when I will have the breathing room to be present. He is the only one who can lift this mental burden of motherhood, or wifehood, of ministry, of being human.
So, hopefully you will see more actual thought-filled posts here soon. But if not, lets strive together to keep our minds Stayed on Him. Only He has lasting Peace.
Through the Grace of Christ Alone,
Sabrina
