Wow--- UGH!

So I came across these before and after shots of me for work and thought I would share.

This is me in October 2009 (right after I started at WKU). I know its a horrid picture in lots of ways, why am I so white??? Ugh! 

And this is me in April I think?

I still look the same, just not so swollen looking and white. A side by side for you:

Ugh... just thought I would share....

Thoughts from traveling the WW road

Back in October, I shared with you that I had begun a journey. A journey "back to a healthier, more active, more social and more balanced me." Well it's May. It's seven months later. It's time to reflect on the journey thus far. To date, I have lost around 25 lbs. I have gone from almost completely sedentary (I got out of breathe talking, seriously) to working out 4 to 5 times a week. And I have lowered my insulin levels to almost normal! It has been quite the journey thus far. Here are a few things I have learned about myself along this journey:

• I am, and will probably always be, a fat person in mind. What I mean by that is that I think about food like a fat person, no matter how much weight I lose. 
• I love food and I often use it as a substitute for the comfort or control I am looking for. 
• I can always stuff myself. I am not one of those people who can really stop themselves from stuffing themselves miserable. This means I must have boundaries and a plan before hand- because the fullness will not stop me. 
• I can be die hard disciplined... for a season. But I do not want to live the rest of my life never eating dessert or chips etc. I have to learn how to balance my eating habits. Everything in moderation really should be my goal. 
• I was alot more overweight than I realized. For me, I would look in the mirror and think I didnt look too bad. But then when I would see pictures of myself, I was stunned at how big I looked. 
• Being healthy feels so much better!!
• One bad meal, day or even weekend does not have to mean the end of the journey. There is always a new day to make new choices on my food. 
• Losing weight or the size of my clothes does not control if I feel skinny or fat. How I eat controls if I feel fat or skinny. When I am eating super gross or alot, I feel fat. It doesnt matter that I have lost 25 lbs, I still feel fat. When I eat healthy I feel skinny. Even when I had only lost 4 lbs, I felt skinny as I began healthier eating habits. 

So here are some stats....

Starting weight: 133.4 lbs    Starting BMI: 37.3%
Current weight: 108.4 lbs    Mid point BMI: 29.7%
Total Weight Lost: 25 lbs    Current BMI: 26.9%
Total % Lost: 18.8%
Final Goal: 105 (3.4 lbs to go)

The Jean Nidetch... My take on it

I've been reading again! In the last 2 weeks I have finished two books, and I am ready to share my thoughts with you! Up first, my thoughts on "The Jean Nidetch Story". Jean Nidetch was the founder of Weight Watchers, and up until my friend gave me the book I had no idea who she was! 

Things I Liked About The Book: 

• She is very real about who she is and who she isn't. She shares her weaknesses and her strengths. She is unwilling to apologize for who she is and she knows what she wants in life. I found this fascinating. 
• It was so neat to see how WW started. Jean basically took the diet from an obesity clinic in NYC and invited some friends to do it too and come over and talk about it. From that came what is known as Weight Watchers today. Crazy. 
• She constantly talks about herself as a "fat person". She references the saying that inside of all of us is a skinny person trying to get out... she says instead that no matter how thin she becomes, there will always be a fat person inside her begging her to be fat. I think this is more true of me at least. 
• It was motivating. I have been doing WW again for about 6 1/2 months, and making this a "lifestyle change" instead of just a diet is difficult. I have lost quite a bit of weight for my small frame and there are days where I want to fool myself into thinking "ok now you are small again, you cant eat whatever you want whenever you want". But the truth is I cant. Jean lost like 70 something lbs by 1962 and never gained it back. Why? Because she continued to fight the battle, make good choices, and live the reality that she couldnt just eat whatever the heck she wanted. The simplicity of her understanding that concept and living it out was motivating. 
• It made me thankful for what WW is today! When it began there were no "points" and there was a very strict diet. You had to eat certain things and that was that. And there was a long list of "illegal" foods... Thank you for flex points!! Today on WW you can eat anything you want- as long as you "plan" for it. 
• She just felt like a grandma telling you scattered stories of her life. I loved that. 

Things That Annoyed Me About the Book: 

• The scatteredness. Like I said above, it sounds like your grandma sat you on the porch and just started randomly telling you about her life. Things werent always in the best order and I am such a Type A person that it was hard to follow. 
• She comes across as pretty arrogant in the beginning of the book. She really isnt, and latter on you realize she is just trying to lay it all out there- the good bad and ugly. But still, I didnt think I was going to like her till about a third of the way through. 
• I wish it had gone more in detail about how the actual business expanded. She did talk about it some, and I guess its a book about her and not WW specifically, but thats what I was most interested in. 
• Towards the end there are some sad things shared about her life. These didnt annoy me, but they were sad!

So I highly recommend the book. I mean basically its the life story of a girl who had always been fat, became a housewife who secretly ate cookies in her bathroom at night, and then evolved into the founder of a strong and thriving international weight loss business. I just wonder if she sits in her apartment at her little retirement village and just thinks, "really??? i did this??!!" 

Had any of you ever heard of her before?? Do you agree with her "fat person inside of me" saying? What's the hardest part of maintaining a healthy weight and body for you?? Dish it peps! 

The journey has begun!

Hey peeps! Did I mention I started Weight Watchers again? Did I mention I had ever done it in the first place? Well let's start from there.

Before Mr.Pate and I got married, someone told us that we would be in the best shape of our lives on our wedding day. Uh Oh! We certainly were not in the best shape of our lives! So that motivated us enough, we started weight watchers. When I see "we" I mean I went to the meetings and wrote down my points and did the program, and Mr.Pate ate what I told him too so he would lose too. Ha! Anyhow, we were very successful on it... well while we were on it. I lost like twelve or thirteen pounds (which doesnt sound like much, but I was smaller then) and even got within three pounds of my goal! But after my wedding, I just quit.

No reason really. Especially not a good one. I just quit. We were married and skinny and happy, why spend the money to go those meetings? I knew the program like the back of my hand! I could keep it off, right?

WRONG!!!

Here I am, 3 & 1/2 years later and 25 lbs heavier. I had no accountability to keep it off. Mr.Pate and I are just food lovers, and we are weak. It didnt help matters that within that 3 &1/2 years I had my thyroid removed, became insulin resistant, mr.pate lost his job, I worked in campus ministry (all hours of the day and night), we are baptists (potlucks you are the devil dressed in honey!), and have a tight grocery budget (healthy food is expensive in America!)!

But last week I rejoined Weight Watchers. And yesterday I weighed in for the first time. I was a nervous wreak, because I have been told many times that it is very hard to lose weight without a thyroid.....

are you biting your nails with me....

sitting on the edges of your comfy couches while reading this....

wish i would just tell you if I lost???

I did!!! I lost 3.2 lbs this week. Which felt like 100 in my heart! The journey has begun.

What journey you ask? The journey back to a healthier, more active, more social and more balanced me. Pray for the Lord's strength in my weakness and His self-control not mine!