The reality of it all

Griffin has been home for a week now. He was three weeks old as of yesterday. I can't believe I have a three week old. Being pregnant feels like a million years ago, and yet I cannot believe he has already been alive for three weeks. Last week went really quickly and really slowly. And I want to share how I think it's been being a parent so far so that I'll remember these days and to help prepare those that hope to do this one day.

I know everyone says having a newborn is exhausting and hard work. I knew it would be, I am not surprised. But I am surprised that it's not the lack of sleep that is exhausting me, it's the emotional and mental strain that is exhausting me!

I wasn't prepared for how emotionally draining having a child is. People always talk about how much they immediately love their child and how they would do anything for them etc. And I did immediately love this little boy more than I thought possible. But last week I was more overwhelmed and intimidated by him than I thought possible too. I didn't expect that.

Babies cry. That's a fact. And it has never stressed me out to hear babies cry, because that is just how they communicate. But hearing your own baby cry is a whole different experience. You are the one that is supposed to fix whatever it is they are crying about. And figuring out why on earth they are crying is hard! Or
at least I thought it was hard!! I was so worried that I wouldn't know why he was crying or wouldn't be able to meet his needs.

I felt completely unequipped and incapable of taking good enough care of him. And it caught me really off guard. I felt like most people didn't feel like this when they cane home with their newborn. They just talk about wanting to hold them all day and love on then etc. Was I the only parent to wish we were past this stage and he could already talk so I knew what he needed?

That mixed with my weepiness that had me crying at the drop of a hat made for a pretty stressful and hopeless feeling week. Would I ever be able to do this well? Ugh!

But Praise the Lord, each day it's getting better. I feel a little more confident in figuring out what he needs everyday. I am not crying at nothing. And I am enjoying staring at my adorable son as he takes in everything around him in wonder. I will make it through this. I will not ruin my child. I will be an ok parent.

So, I dont know if everyone feels like this or not, but I just wanted to put it out there that week one kicked my butt. But week two is shaping up much nicer. Many more to go!










- Mrs.Pate via my iPhone