Roller-coaster

This journey is definitely a roller-coaster. This morning Mr.Pate and I got up and went to feed our boy at 8, like we have everyday since we got out of the hospital. After we left I was thinking, we can do this. Monday isn't that far and he is healthy and I can live with this normal for a while. I felt like I was settling into this "normal" for us and doing just fine.

He will definitely be getting out on Monday, we found out from the doctor today! Yay!!!

My dad and sister came up and got to hold Griffin for the first time. They were pumped! Then I came home and got paperwork done to add Griffin to the insurance and send off for the birth certificate etc. Yay for productivity.

Later Mr. Pate and I went back up to feed again. The nursing has been hit or miss. It's definitely more work for him than eating from a bottle, and he has been falling asleep after only taking a little instead of getting a full feeding. So now we are working on keeping him awake- which is so hard! I can't be there to nurse every time, so he still has to take the bottle. It is getting a little frustrating and I definitely shed some tears. I have got to be patient with Griffin and just pray the he begins to take full feedings. Please pray for that!

Later, Mr. Pate's dad and I went back up. Griffin's nurse was at the door to greet me saying "Don't freak out". Not what you want to hear when walking into the NICU. My heart skipped a beating and sank... What happened??? "I had to restart his IV and it's in his scalp."

Oh. Looks way scarier than it is. Whew!!! Griffin has an IV port so they can give him his antibiotics. He is not continuously connected to an IV though. With babies, it is hard to keep an IV in place because they move and kick and squirm. He has blown his IV before (only 2 times so far though) and I knew he may again. The scalp is a good place to place an IV for a baby bc the vein is usually really easy to access and they won't kick it out.

So luckily nothing health wise had changed on Griffin, he just looked a little scary. So relieved! I have been very scared that I will walk in and suddenly have a sick child again. No matter how many times the doctor tells me he is well, I am just terrified. Pray that I would trust and not worry. So hard to do.

So tonight I am just heavy hearted and want him here with me so badly! This morning I felt like I was ok, and tonight I am brokenhearted that I have still not brought my child into my home. Roller-coaster.









- Mrs.Pate via my iPhone