Keepin it Real with How I am Dealing...

Many people have said they cant believe how patient I am being, etc. And maybe I am some of the time. But this is not an easy road. I have mentioned on here before that this is really an emotional and mental struggle. I can handle the physical discomfort with no problem, but it is a daily battle of the mind. I just want to keep it real for you.

I really desire to wait on my body and trust the Lord's plan. He designed my body to go into labor and we have no reason to think it wont. It has been making steps towards preparation. My cervix is soft and open. Baby is lower. Things are happening.

But...

I am 42 weeks pregnant and have no baby. People ask me all day long when this baby is coming. They ask when the doctor will "take" him. They ask if I feel like it will be soon. They ask if I think waiting is safe, etc etc. And it wears on you. Badly.

1. I have no idea when this baby is coming. I have never done this before. It all rests on me identifying what is going on with my body, and I have no clue how to figure this stuff out. In case you didnt know, your body does all kinds of weird things during pregnancy.

2. You feel almost as if you are putting people out. They are waiting on you. And when it drags on its like you are just prolonging the attention. It seems like the world is revolving around me. When I go somewhere, all people can talk about is me having a baby. I feel bad, like I am stealing all the attention.

3. Hearing people tell me they are worried about me or tell me its not safe to go past 42 weeks is draining. Very emotionally draining. I have a great Doctor who is watching us closely and still feels we need to wait. I have read the research and know the percentage of things happening to me or baby because we are over 42 weeks is 0.5%. The risks that come with an induction are actually quite a bit higher than that. But when you hear this a lot, you start to doubt. You start to wonder.

This has by far been the hardest part. Today I broke down crying asking Mr.Pate the what if's. What if my placenta does stop functioning? What if baby is born stillborn? What if my body wont do this?? What if What if What if.... And the Lord blessed me with an incredible man who held me and reassured me of the Lord's control. We are not in control. We have no reason to think anything is wrong. We are being monitored. And ultimately the Lord is in control.

I know these truths, but in the midst of this time I can quickly forget. I was a very late baby. And I am fine. I realize now a days most people do not go over 42 weeks so we freak out when they do. But I think this also has to do with how much we push 37 weeks being "full term", so 42 weeks seems sooooo late.

So I just wanted to share how I am struggling. Most of the time I am feeling good and resolved to trust the Lord and wait for my body. But there are definitely moments throughout each of these days that I let the doubts consume me. I think more than not trusting the Lord, I am really not trusting in my body or my ability to figure out what my body is doing.

So please pray! Pray for peace and trust. Pray for patience and love for people, they are trying to care for me. Pray for strength and joy throughout this journey. Just please pray!

Oh and here is a great woman's journey with having her 3rd son at 43 weeks... it has some good info in it too.